I think the idea of home is greatly represented in America's favorite past time, baseball. The whole goal of a baseball game is to reach homeplate as many times as possible. Everyone is trying to run home. And what is the greatest single act in baseball? the homerun. Because that is the quickest and best way to get you (and anyone else out there running around trying to get home) home, the place everyone longs to be. Its much like that in real life. Everyone longs for home, or if they don't like their current home, they at least long for a new place where they will feel at home.
I once, for a short time, called England my home, and looking back, it was grand. But it wasn't the place that made it grand, it was more the great friends I lived with that made the experience so great. Though that place was amazing, if I were to go back, it just wouldn't be anywhere near the same because those people who made it so great aren't there, and never again will be. I went to the same school kindergarten through 12'th grade, and it became a kind of home to me. I spent more of my childhood there than any other single place, and though it wasn't all fun and games, that last year of high school was pretty darn good. It had that carefree feeling of home to it, but now, is nothing but a fond memory.
The place I currently call home is great, and I no doubt will someday look back upon this time in my life as a wonderful fun experience, but I am not sure if it has that feeling of home to it. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't: it comes and goes. A majority of the time, I seem to think of home as a thing of the past or something I will once again experience in the future. That's not to say I don't enjoy the present; it's just that there is often that longing of the good old days that felt like home, and the hope that I will someday recreate a new version of them. Like maybe when I am married and established and start a new home of my own. I guess I just have a tendency to romanticize the past, as well as the future. Sure enough, in a few years, I will look back and think of all the wonderful times I am experiencing right now, but for now, its just life, full of its ups and downs.
It seems to me that you reach this point in life and nowhere really feels completely like home anymore. You go back to where your parents live, the place always known as home, and it has changed, your room isn't there anymore, that feeling of belonging isn't there, and while you are fully lovingly welcome at all times, you feel like it just isn't right to stay there anymore. You've moved on, but yet still long for that old feeling the place once had.
And thats the thing, though there is always a place you call home, to me, the word seems to represent a feeling much more than a place. So what is that feeling, how is it defined? I suppose it is just the feeling of complete belonging and complete happiness. It can be the feeling you get when in the arms of a loved one, or that occasional feeling that happens when you step back for a second, look around you, and take notice of the friends around you and realize all these people really care about you, and that you thoroughly enjoy being around them as well. That, to me, is the essence of home, and I'd bet Heaven will be engulfed in this feeling.
Now, as I rap this thing up finally, I realize it is just a big mess of muggled up thoughts that don't make perfect sense. I think I may have took this blog a little too far. Nonetheless, as it is just a blog that maybe 5 people will read, I think I am done with it and glad to have it all out. I hope you enjoyed a small piece of it at least. And to give credit, I must admit that much of this thinking was a result of a conversation in the movie Garden State. Though I haven't seen the movie in several years, and though it didn't really mean all that much to me at the time, the conversation, or at least the main thought in it, always stuck with me. It probably puts everything I said in a much simpler, shorter, and easy to read way. So I looked it up, and here it is in print:
There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of wish I'd missed.
You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in...
isn't really your home anymore.
All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you put your $#!*...
that idea of home is gone.
I still feel at home in my house.
You'll see one day when you move out. Just sorta happens one day, and it's gone.
You feel like you can never get it back.
It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist.
Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know?
You won't ever have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself.
You know, for... For your kids. For the family you start.
It's like a cycle or something.
I don't know. But I miss the idea of it, you know?
Maybe that's all family really is.
A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.