Lately I have thought about how friends are made. In my experiences, I have rarely ever seen someone, decided I wanted to be friends with them, and then went out and made it happen. Every friend I have ever had just seemed to happen naturally. They all came to me it seemed. One almost exception was my friend Caleb. When I first saw him I thought he looked like someone I might enjoy being around, but it still probably wouldn't have happened unless we both decided to go to England the following semester.
The other day (months ago now) my friend Joe accompanied me on my schoolday routine of taking the bus into Boise. I guess I was just in a good mood this day because I was unusually friendly to a few strangers. Not complete strangers, but people I have seen a couple of times and for some reason decided to actually talk to on this day. One such person was the pita pit girl who is there every time I go in for a pita. After ordering our pita's, I mentioned how she must always work because every time I come in (which is very sporadic and rarely the same day or time), she is the only one there. She said yep but that she was excited because she was going on vacation this weekend. The conversation continued a little while longer, but thats pretty much the jist of it. Just a friendly chit chat. After we left, Joe asked me if I would ever ask that girl out; after all, she is fairly cute, and makes a mean pita. Nah I said, thats not my thing.
The thought of asking out a stranger just seems kind of ridiculous to me. Plus I know from working with plenty of girls how annoying they think it is when guys ask them out over the counter. People apparently do it all the time, but it just seems weird and unnatural to me. So instead, I have decided to rely on the way all my friends have been made up to this point which seems to be frequent interaction due to common ground or friends that force us to be around each other. Or maybe them just deciding they want to be friends with me without me realizing it. Either way, so far it has presented plenty of opportunities for friendship, and in some cases more than friendship. Most of the friendships have worked out or run their proper course, and as far as the more than friendship, I just haven't felt compelled to take full advantage of any of the opportunities presented thus far. When the right and perfect person comes around, I'm sure I'll be fine. And to reference the old cheesy cliche, God brought Eve to Adam while he slept. I'm pretty confident I'll be awoken at the right moment. Until then, I'll keep sleeping. After a few more years however I might start getting desperate.
Sure, sometimes I desire the boldness to just walk right up, grab a cute girl by the hand and tell her to follow me. But thats just not me, and I'm fine with that. Plus that kind of thing only really happens in the movies anyways. In real life they will automatically think you are a crazy stocker they should avoid. Real life is much more like this scene from Seinfeld transcribed here:
Jerry: I can't take my eyes off that lineswoman. That lineswoman is absolutely mesmerizing.
George: Boy you are really smitten.
Jerry: I gotta talk to her. What do you think?
George: Cold? How are you going to do that? You're not one of those guys.
Jerry: I'm going to psyche myself into it like those people that just walk across the hot coals.
George: They're not mocked and humiliated when they get to the other side.
Jerry: I have to. I won't be able to live with myself.
George: Wait a minute Jerry, there's a bigger issue here. If you go through that wall and become one of those guys I'll be left here on this side. Take me with you.
Jerry: I can't.
George: What are you going to say?
Jerry: I don't know, "Hi".
George: You think you're going to the other side with "Hi"? You're not going to make it.
The girl winds up being deaf, but Jerry does end up with her, at least for a short while.
The end
5 comments:
I hope you don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way... but if what you just said is still somewhat true, you make it very exhausting to be your friend. Relationships take two people, a give and take kind of a thing... but if you just sit and wait for your friends to put in all the effort and energy, after all awhile they will become too tired and walk away (but I hope for your sake they don't).
I didn't like a lot of my thoughts in this mostly because I also believe that you have to go out and make things happen for yourself in life. If I read this from someone else, I might think that person is a bit of a loser just making excuses for himself. But anyways, in response to you Nicole, I was really only referring to the start of new relationships where I mostly just react to people who show interest in getting to know me first. Not saying its right, but thats what I do. Then of course, once a friendship is established both parties are equally responsible to keep it going.
i understand what you mean now.
hey shaun, i haven't been on your blog in a while, thought i would check it out. it was a fun musing. i enjoyed your thoughts. we need to chat sometime soon. :)
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